


Monster

by ViolentAddict



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-15
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2018-01-01 16:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1045901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViolentAddict/pseuds/ViolentAddict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Wash wonders why Doc even tries.</p>
<p>"I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed. Get along with the voices inside of my head."</p>
<p>"You're trying to save me; stop holding your breath."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This was inspired by the song "Monster" by Eminem and Rihanna. I thought it was super fitting for the pairing and you know I love my Doc/Wash. Also I may or may not be working on a fic where Doc is a mob doctor and Wash is a firefighter in a big city. and it may or may not be up for grabs if anyone wanted to steal the idea. lol. Enjoy.

Wash wasn’t the kind of person most people would call warm and caring, he was cold and calculating and as every bit as dangerous as a raptor.

Most times people avoided him. He was a lone wolf anyways, so it was no major loss. All people ever did was leave or stab him in the back. They really weren’t good for his health.

But life as Special Ex-freelancer Agent Washington wasn’t always exciting and wonderful, it got lonely sometimes. When you spend your whole life chasing away everyone who tries to get close to you, yeah you’ll get a little lonely.

Wash just figured he was just one of those people destined to be alone; it was safer and guaranteed a longer life expectancy than being Mr. popular.

But then he met the Reds and the Blues and he found that he didn’t need to be alone anymore. He could have friends, actual people he cared about and who cared about him and he didn’t have to worry about loss or being stabbed in the back because he’d done so much to them and they still remained. They still trusted him and appreciated him even when they should’ve despised him.

And Doc, wow. He’d kept Doc as a hostage and Doc still saved his life in the end. Talk about trust and forgiveness? 

But no matter how smooth life went for him now, he still couldn’t drown out the regret and the sorrow that still swallowed him every now and then. It didn’t matter if they forgave him a thousand times, it would take him a million more for him to forgive himself.

Fate was a funny thing; it had a way of forcing you into situations you never would’ve imagined for yourself. He never imagined he’d meet the wacky Reds and Blues and become one of them. 

But fate also forced you into situations you should’ve had no business in being. Sometimes Wash wondered what would’ve happened if he never met them, if they would’ve been somehow better off without him. If Doc would’ve been better off without him.

After all, he had been responsible for most of their troubles in the past and then there was Carolina…

He knew, logically, that if he focused on these thoughts for too long then it would hinder him from functioning the way he needed to get things done. Yet there were days when he had a surprisingly considerable amount of free time on his hands that he used to dwell on these thoughts.

He’d wonder, when the Reds or the Blues did something particularly nice or listened to his orders willingly, if they did this out of fear or were passive aggressively thinking of ways to destroy him in their head. Sure one could call him paranoid but to Wash, these were perfectly logical thoughts given the circumstances.

Today was one of those days where the paranoia was right up there with the amount of free time he had and since Wash wasn’t up to kicking back with the people he didn’t quite trust right now he did the only suitable thing he knew; locked himself in his room until he was needed for actual work.

Wash was a man of simple pleasures. He wasn’t nit picky and had a way of dealing with his problems that was fine for everyone involved, well everyone except those at the other end of his gun. But he knew that Doc, who had sort of become his boyfriend and therapist in the past few weeks, both titles Wash wasn’t comfortable hearing out loud, would be very upset if he found that Wash was back to his old habits. So yeah, locking himself up in his room was good for everyone really.

He was getting really comfortable with an old magazine when he heard a knock from his door. He frowned, he had ordered Caboose and Tucker to run drills half an hour ago, they couldn’t be done that quickly, well Caboose could’ve but his good heart would’ve had him waiting for Tucker and even helping him through some of them, so no they couldn’t have been done that quickly.

The knocking continued. “Caboose, what do you want?” Wash yelled and then regretted it; he should’ve just pretended to be sleeping; now Caboose would never leave.

“It’s not Caboose.” A cheerful voice called from the other side of the door. Wash recognized it immediately. “Doc, what’s the matter? Can’t you see I’m on break?” But he found himself walking over to the door anyways; Doc’s persistence was no match for Caboose’s.

“Why are you all locked up in here by your lonesome?” Doc asked, strolling right in the second Wash opened the door.

“No reason, just figured some rest would do me good.” Wash lied, avoiding Doc’s gaze.

“Well the sun is glorious outside and seeing that I have nothing to do and you have nothing to do…” Doc trailed off, but the implication now hung heavily in the air.

Wash played dumb, staring blankly at Doc, hoping he’d just drop the subject altogether. Certainly he didn’t think Wash was in the mood to do something romantic right now.

“I was thinking we could take a walk. The weather is fine.” The medic smiled, looking up at Wash with those warm brown eyes, it was like looking at a puppy.

Wash tried his best to be immune. “I-uh, had plans.”

Looking up at him through his lashes, Doc asked. “Like what?”

Wash held up the magazine as if it were a shield from Doc’s prying, it didn’t work. “Okay, like that’s going to take you all day to read.” Doc rolled his eyes.

“Come on Wash, when was the last time we did something together and don’t you dare say sex or eating because those things don’t really count.”

That took Wash aback because he knew he did tons of things with Doc, he just couldn’t think of any right now.

Doc rolled his eyes. “I knew it! You can’t think of anything can you?”

Taking Wash’s rough hand in his soft and smooth one, the medic led him out of the room and base and straight to the outside world with its stupid bright sun and frustratingly warm weather.

“See,” Doc started, feeling all good about himself and his surprisingly good idea. “This wasn’t so bad.”

The ex-freelancer gave his best nonplussed shrug. “It’s okay, I guess.” 

Doc was unimpressed. “It’s freaking perfect! We could take a walk or visit Red base or-“

Wash cut him off. “We are not visiting Red base, I think my world has enough crazy in it for one day.” Not to mention Donut would probably be there. Nothing had changed once Donut started dating Caboose, the blinding looks of hatred were still there, the don’t-you-dare-touch-him glares were still given. Donut was the only one not over the abuse Wash had given everyone in the past. He was even mad at Doc for forgiving and even dating the monster, as he put it. It was Wash’s fault that Donut and Doc weren’t as close anymore and it made him feel more than a little guilty. Donut never failed to remind him just how much Doc was sacrificing for his relationship with Wash, he knew about the guy back home Doc was being guided to marry. Donut knew that Doc’s Indian mother would never approve of her son dating someone unfamiliar with their culture and how Doc’s dad, a French ex-military commander who really wouldn't mind Wash, would probably see their contrasting personalities and ways of life as a good reason to find what’s best for his son.

Wash wondered if Doc was just oblivious to all this or if he simply just didn't care. Wash wondered what it said about a person if the whole world could see a better future for them and they wanted to stick to the present.

But as he watched Doc talk about his day while obstinately holding his hand as if Wash would disappear if he let go -a trait of his that the ex-freelancer couldn’t help but find adorable as he was sure that Doc didn’t even realize he was doing it- it just seemed so natural. Wash was sure, surer than he’d ever been about anything, that Doc belonged in his world even if it wasn’t the other way around.

They weren’t meant to be, they were meant to break. For Wash to die alone and for Doc to marry someone who made him happy but like moths to a flame they always found themselves drawn to each other. It was unexplainable, the pull that brought them together. It was inevitable, no matter how much Wash fought it he almost always ended up surrendering to the indescribable force that compelled him to be by Doc’s side. 

It didn’t help that they were sort of alike. Both were sort of mentally destroyed by AIs. Doc’s nightmares almost always consisted of O’malley, he’d come to Wash in the middle of the night, terrified and eager for someone to light the darkness. And Wash, who knew that the more he helped Doc, the harder it would be to leave him, would be helpless against the urge to fight the demons that plagued them both.

No one understood that about them. That if you took one of them from the other, then you’d basically destroy the whole. And the sex? Wash couldn’t deny that he wanted Doc emotionally as much as he couldn’t deny that he wanted him physically. He had given himself boundaries before they had become intimate. He wouldn’t allow himself to get very far with Doc, he could look but not touch but that all crumpled into dust the second Doc kissed him with an urgency that was paralleled with Wash’s.

Doc was probably one of the only human beings Wash knew that looked fragile on the outside but could take so much on the inside. He didn’t need to be careful with Doc because he would not break. There was room for passion, for impatience, for much needed release. And it didn’t cost neither much. 

Doc sighed and it suddenly occurred to Wash that he was only half-listening to the conversation. “Wash?”

“Yes, Doc?” 

“Do you ever wonder if I’m cut out to be a medic?”

The question was so out of the blue that Wash laughed, not to be rude but because it was actually probably the dumbest and most important question he ever had to answer.

“Do you want the honest answer?”

Doc’s brow furrowed. “Yes.”

“Then yes, I wonder sometimes but then I think to myself, that maybe this was your fate.”

Doc smiled and there was something in his eyes, something like a twinkling hope. “Do you think we are fated to be, you know, this?” He held up their intertwined hands to exaggerate his point.

Wash shrugged, to keep from cringing. “I think fate’s a little fucked up sometimes.”

“What do you mean?” Doc questioned, looking hurt. 

“You deserve a lot better than me. It’s obvious.”

Doc gave him a warning look. “Don’t Wash.”

“What? Don’t pretend like I don’t hear what they say? Like I don’t know it’s the truth?” With Doc it was so easy to get lost in what he had, that he almost forgot he didn’t deserve any of it. And no matter what, he resented fate, the same fucked up karma that took away everything he loved wasn’t going to get another chance to do it again.

“You deserve to be with someone normal. To think about and love someone who’s worth the trouble.”

Doc smiled and reached for Wash’s hand again which he hadn’t realized he had let go. “You’re already in every thought that I have.”

Wash looked at him, really looked at him and saw the confidence and collection of someone who didn’t lose everything but had everything he wanted right there in front of him.

“You see Wash,” he continued when Wash seemed too speechless to utter a sound. “You have to make peace with your demons. You can’t keep feeling guilty, you’ll never get anywhere with that kind of mentality. I won’t leave you, and I know it feels like that will inevitably happen but it won’t. Come hell or high water I’m not going anywhere.”

When Wash recovered his voice was solemn and his question was searching. “Don’t you ever get tired of telling me that?”

Doc nodded. “No and as long as you remain stubborn then I will always remind you.” He leaned in closer to whisper against Wash’s lips, “I love you.” As Wash leaned in to close the distance between them as a “fuck it” to the universe Doc moved away, grabbing Wash’s hand and pulling the much stronger and capable ex-freelancer in the direction of the makeshift Blue base training field where Caboose and Tucker were sitting by a rock, relaxing. 

Wash knew that the universe wasn’t done screwing with him yet but at least he didn’t have to deal with it alone. Maybe he didn’t have to be alone after all. The thought was soothing enough to relax his nerves and soon he found himself loosening up and laughing actually laughing with Doc as they greeted their fellow soldiers and basked in the beautiful day.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry the ending was so short, it's just I spent more time on this than I did at my actual job so I had to stop at a certain point. Hope you liked! And okay it was probably a little cheesy but I'm a sap. Thanks for reading!


End file.
